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It’s difficult to see outside the teachings of patriarchy - we are fed them at a young age. It took me years to see the wrongness in the lessons I was taught from birth. I was raised religious, so on top of heavily enforced gender roles - one of the South’s little cultural delights - I was taught that men were designated by God as “spiritual leaders of the family,” and that it was men’s “job” to protect and defend women. If you think all fem guys are unattractive and refuse to see them as more than their femininity, you’re a gay misogynist. When we tell ourselves that everyone who is female or everyone is fem behaves a certain way (and when we pass on this lie to others), we allow prejudices, stereotypes, and falsehoods about these demographics to spread and become reinforced. This is a psychological trick called “dehumanization,” and it’s how Hitler made the Holocaust happen. They become less than people - they become labels behind which you stop seeing their humanity. People who are “other” become one giant mass. In that line of thinking, all women are the same, all HIV-positive guys are the same, and all black men are the same. In doing so, you contribute to an environment in which people are reduced. What does this have to do with women? Let me walk you through it.īlanket refusals to a certain demographic of gay men - black, Asian, HIV-positive, kinky - indicate that you’re the sort of person who refuses to see people beyond their membership in said demographic.